Exit left

Dying was the best thing that happened to her. This sounds callous - but her timing was impeccable. She saw her grand kids and saw hem happy. She spent a week with us and was quite happy. She spent time with nearly everyone near and dear to her... And then her body gave up. She took an exit and left. There could have been so many things done and said that may have resulted in a longer life for her. She could gave stayed back in the US with either prakash or me,but she may not have been happy. It would not have been an ideal situation. She did announce that it was her last trip to the US as she left. She could have avoided going to the Thiruppugazh peruvizha right after the long flight home and the poonal. This, in my opinion, was surely a huge contributor to compounding her illness. Then again, she would certainly not have been happy if she didn't go. The day of her death, she could have been taken to Dr. sharada, a doctor who knew her and her medical history very well. But that may not have resulted in anything different. So many coulda shoulda wouldas. She was ready. She wanted to let go. She wanted to go quickly without a protracted illness. She wanted, most importantly, to not be a burden. She got her wish. In death, she did everything right. A blessed soul indeed. As we clean up the house and help the inevitable clutter that comes with 53 years of marriage, the memories hit. Some poignant, some harsh, some funny. She collected knick-knacks like she collected friends - they found her, and didnt leave! This grieving process is one if he toughest things I have ever been through in my life. I feel like I am going through the guilt, anger, and depression stages all at once. I seem to cycle between these stages. Just when I feel strong enough, some memory if how she came across one if her possessions hits me, and I am back to feeling either anger, guilt, or depression. I feel blessed however, that I have enough friends and I don't need to worry about Srikanth and the kids. I feel blessed to have her friends who check in quite frequently, and have been pillars of support. I will get through this as I do at other times. A friend has named me tough cookie. I think I should live up to that name! I wonder about her trial to make this her last journey. Certainly she has participated in many CHITRA pournimas - a festival celebrated on the full moon day of the CHITRA month to honor Chitragupta, the keeper of the ledger of our deeds. Surely her meritorious deeds outweigh her debits. She has meant so much to so many, that her faults are few. So I urge chitragupta to please see her faults as something she truly could not control. After all, her biggest fault, if one could call it that, was her inability to listen to her body. Her mind moved at quite a different and faster pace compared to her body. I imagine how much more she could have accomplished if she were just a little bit stronger. She chose instead, to exit left. Thank you for reading.